AH…
December 31, 2014
I gave up making New Year’s resolutions decades ago; I’m not sure whether it was because I was tired of setting myself up for failure or whether it was the realization that resolving to do the best one can on a daily basis results in an accumulation of small deeds and accomplishments that make for a simpler more conscious way of life…as opposed to some glorified idea of success and perfection.
However, like most of us, I find it impossible not to feel the marker of time that the end of year represents. In fact, I find it interesting and valuable to take a moment to glance back at what was accomplished in the course of 12 months, with regard to both the tangible and the ephemeral. Much like making a gratitude list, this contemplation is a way of appreciating what one has accomplished instead of always focusing on what one should do next.
In terms of the tangible, I’d say I’ve had a bumper year: Living in Provence the first few months, making a home and garden in Tuscany, revising and submitting a novel for publication, holidaying here with family and friends, 3 trips to Paris, 2 to New York and 1 to Germany, increased my knowledge of the Italian language and became an Italian resident. I also began a new body of construction pieces, the latest of which, could possibly depict how I feel when letting go of the need to speak in any language!
Along the way I made mistakes: I hate the fridge we purchased; its retro-ness out of proportion to the rest of the humble kitchen, with handles that look like some useless decoration on a 50’s Cadillac.
And I spent far too much on a chair-bed when really a folding cot would have sufficed for the 2 weeks that our 6 year-old grand-daughter spent here. I mean really, what’s the use of an armchair without arms? EBay anyone?
I made a few mistakes in the garden too: wrong roses in the wrong place, broom not pruned at the appropriate time and so on. Badminton proved a big mistake too, bringing out a competitive streak in me that I thought I’d let go of years ago: the result being a sprained ankle and a “tennis” elbow that still talks to me in agonizing tones.
I could go on, but the trouble with lists is that they reduce life to small items as opposed to seeing the bigger picture. So, when I look back 2014 as a whole, I would say I accomplished 2 things of personal value. The first was finding the balance between manifesting and letting go of the material. By that I mean that I was aware early in the year that I only wanted to acquire objects for our home that had a specific and necessary function. No matter how beautiful an object might be I had no longing for it if it had no use. Ditto clothing.
I bought a white straw hat in 2013 because it was “hip” and I liked the way it looked. What was I thinking? I hate hats. Never wear them. This one had been sitting on a hook the whole time and I was about to give it away when I realized it would make a good shade for a lamp we bought…another mistake. The hat functioned well in terms of form but its whiteness cast a cold light. So this morning I made a nice strong pot of English tea pour it all over the hat et voila!
This kind of achievement gives me a lasting joy, greater than purchasing a new lamp.
The second accomplishment, and the most challenging, was letting go of the need for fame and recognition. A lifelong desire and pursuit at which I consistently failed and in so doing, self-inflicted a sense of worthlessness that actually had no basis in reality.
All this to say that what I had long-known intellectually to be true, has finally become part of my inner being: that is that material wealth and/or fame have no value compared to spiritual evolution.
For sure there is much I would still like to accomplish: the daily practice of yoga and piano, more rock gardens, a fruit orchard, library shelves, the writing of the next novel, a visit to my brother…and a new fridge! But the reality is it’s only Wednesday. Tomorrow is only Thursday.
The daughter of a good friend died yesterday after years of struggling with the breakdown of various organs, the result of years of addiction when she was young. She lived her clean and sober life one day at a time, resolving to become a more loving, kinder person, in spite of years of pain and suffering. This she accomplished. For her I light a candle.
All photos by Maggie
To all of you who kept me such good company throughout this year, I wish you another, filled with gratitude, one day at a time. With love, Maggie.
